From Benji: An update on my Mommy

Hi. Mom doesn't feel like writing right now so I will. To tell you the truth she has been pretty glum. But you know her, she just keeps going anyway and tries to be nice and smile even when she was just crying hard an hour ago.

She worked like a maniac the whole time we were home this weekend, cleaning house, cleaning furniture, scrubbing windows and the bathroom. Every time she gets like that I go lay down somewhere hoping she won't get the idea to wash me, too.

She did her massage with Page and that crackling thing that Bryan the big guy does to her. She usually takes me along but not this times. I think I've sort of been on her nerves lately but that's easy because her nerves are pretty jangly.

She went out with Page somewhere for a nice-smelling chicken supper and seemed happier when she got home. But then she started doing laundry and played piano, all sad songs, until early in the morning!

This morning she called Aunt Chris and sounded like she wanted to cry again. But Aunt Chris talked firm to her and then we went to Angelica's place where she sticks needles in Mom and she lays still while I wait. She seemed a lot better after that and her neck and shoulder were not as stiff.

I know this is a boring post but we have been sorta blah lately. Now we are back in our other home in that big city place they call "L" "A". We had a good trip here and everyone is nice to me. I made two new friends on the parking bus and had a good walk around the hotel block. Mommy keeps food for me here and some of my toys so it's sort of like having two homes.

I just never know what she's going to do next. I hope she takes me to the dog park like last week (even though the big dogs scare us a little there) and maybe to another dog party. Last week we found a big dog party with lots of dogs and people dressed up silly, and free treats and stuff. It made Mom smile and forget her sadness for a little bit That would be fun again.

Hope everyone back in Ohio is doing OK. I miss visiting there and loving up all the Grandmas at Autumn and playing fetch with Grandpa in the evenings.

Here's me in my new rain coat.


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"The Lord is my shepherd"

"Beck are u safe in la? [I am] i love u Dad and I found everything OK [for financial paperwork they were working om today] then had a long walk with bandit I stopped and hung Mom's 23rd Psalm needlework in her rm b4 I left she was sleeping peacefully!"

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A Break ftom the Angst

just had a great time at local bar and restaurant with my friend Page. football game. nice people. margarita. chocolate lava cake. what a nice break from the angst and anxiety. it felt good to forget about it all for a while.

I think I will play piano now. A first since I've been back home.

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Not a good time to visit Mom

She has had a setback and is sleeping a lot now and does not want people around making noise. Stopping in for a few minutes from nearby would be OK but I wouldnt advise driving any distance at this time. She will probably just be sleeping.

She is discouraged and ready to go to heaven, she told Dad this week.

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Mom was awesome again yesterday

From Chris while I was in the air yesterday: "Mom is awsome again today. I almost would swear nothing is wrong except for the sore on her behind and a little lack of energy. Aunt June came in.

Dad was going in tonight and some of the Weaver clan were due in about 430.

Beck our Dad is the sweetest Momma was breakin his heart with her gratitude and love for him today then i called tonight to see how their visit went. he
went on and on to me about how much he appreciated me coming down so much. he is really one of a kind. we walked in the woods a long time this morning and he was teaching me more kinds of trees. we are truly blessed to have had these parents! I hope you had safe travels i love you!"

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Report from Aunt Susan

From Aunt Susan yesterday evening:

"We went in to vist your mom this afternoon and I was extremely surprised when I walked into her room. She was sitting in her chair and holding a logical conversation.


She did make the comment that everyone was trying to fatten her up and that when she got home it would take forever for her to lose all the weight she will be gaining. So I think that she is off and on in the memory of her condition.

It is getting cold here. Rained all day and alot of the beans are extremely soaked. Im hoping that the weather straightens out and drys some in the coming days. Charlie has around 260 or so of the 650 acres picked.

Sleep Tight tonite... "

They're so good to send these precious tidbits.

A good yarn: Knitters make sweaters for penguins after oil spill

A good yarn: Knitters make sweaters for penguins after oil spill

Awesome story, here. Someday I'll have time to knit sweaters for penguins!

Granted Another Cozy Day

From Chris today:

"Mom is great today weve had one of the best visits. Its rainy and cold but were just reminescing about john and jen as babies and having a good old time. She has been able to walk a little and we had wendys baja salads for lunch together each day is so different this is almost as happy and pain free as i ve seen her since the very beginning. Love Chrissy"

That gave me something to smile about.

Also Benny and I found a dog park and enjoyed some dog time together tonight. I believe he has been a little dour too. I saw him smile tonight like I had not seen in a while, as he turned his motor on and started running circles around the big dogs.

Kinda like me. I like it when I can do that too. :)



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Benji Keeping Me On Track

My little doggie often whimpers at me, talks to me at length. When I was home we laughed out loud about it one evening in the car in the way to Chris's when Jenna cracked, "You know he's totally mocking you, Becky. His tone exactly matches yours when you talk to him!"

Pretty consistently he tells me to go to bed when it gets late and I haven't already gone.

I got a good idea of his sense of time this morning when I decided to squeeze in an epsom bath while eating breakfast. First, he vocalized his objections loudly and peered down into the sunken tub at me questioningly like "What do you think you're doing taking a bath when its almost time for work?!"

Then, 20 minutes before I needed to leave I got the lecture again, so I checked the clock and sure enough he was right. It was time to get out of the tub.

Not my best morning. I'd woken myself with gasping sobs out of a dead sleep at 4:30 am dreaming about Mother.

Tough day. Fibro-flare, pain meds making me groggy at work.


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Skyped with Mom today

Today Chris and Eric visited Mom and brought the laptop so we could Skype (talk online with video). She was feeling OK and alert and clever, even. I told her about Los Angeles and how Ben is loving it and I'm having adventures looking for an apartment in West Hollywood.

I do see changes from when I left. She is obviously weaker, not moving her torso at all and the left side droop of her face is worse causing her some trouble talking and eating. But today she was still so "her" even offering advice at times and saying "I still love ya!"

Selfishly I'd been missing my ability to call her and relate my troubles and adventures. I've been feeling more alone in the world, just knowing how little time we have left with her.

They said Amy and Mike had been to visit and while I was on the phone her neighbors the Weavers called to ask if they could come sing for Mother today. They did come later but I couldnt listen in, although I wanted to, because I was headed to the Airport.

She told me how her cousin Phyllis at the reunion had loved the applique quilt she was working on and took photos to show friends at church. When the folks heard about Mom's illness they decided to make her an afghan and it came to the house this week. Very sweet thing. I wonder if some of the folks at Mt Zwingli could do something similar since Mom was a member so many years. maybe a lap robe or quilted bed jacket?

Ben and I are safely settled at our hotel this evening and it already seems less daunting than it did last week. I was just so tired Friday from working, walking Ben, looking for a cheaper place to live, and finding my way around in this heavy traffic that I was pretty dismayed. But better now.

good night all

(Benny in his new rain coat)


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Excerpts from Texts the Last Few Days

Chris: Mom was about the same for dad today as she was for me yest pretty good i am going down tomorrow for a meeting with social worker. love u mailed yr gift to az today!

Meeting was just to see if we were happy which i warmly thanked eveyone and said we
were. they are going to dial backthe pain med dose to
see if we can get her up more for better circulation

Becky: sounds good!

Chris: Are u glad to be going home weekens? seems like a hassle for 1 day with travel

Becky: for now yes but not for long. seems like a short trip. finding apartments now within reason. gay area which is very safe. :)

Chris: Unless someone likes u too much!

Becky: Oh. its men 90%

Chris: Those are usually the least amount of trouble and can be good friends. i bet it feels good to be using your brain for something else besides worry and cancer stuff

Becky: yep but stressful. paranoid always worried about boss sniping or saying I'm not fast enough. some days i want to give up both houses, rent cheap and be an admin somewhere.

Chris: Youll be awsome. just be confident in yourself they cant believe it if u dont!

Becky: right!! remember i told u about craigslist dude sounding like scammer? bumped into same one on a different property using different name. almost the same wording. reporting it to internet authorities as we speak.

Chris: So he really was a scammer?

Becky: i didnt go find out. i stopped and just reporting it based on the email evidence that its not real

Chris: Feeding mom she is telling tales and called me becky

Becky: tell her to call me and sing happy birthday

Chris: Ill try

Chris: Wow sorry no singing barely made it to bathroom and took 3 of us. she lost the ability to stand or sit up mid way. you can tell there's no body to her spine at all anymore. reminds me of victor meeker from kvams kinder camp.

Becky: dont remember him. poor dear thing. tell her i send my love.

Chris: He had no ability to straighten, wore a big brace and when we went swimming without it he was just jello boy. very sweet and precious not sure of his diagnosis

Chris: She told me "right back at you!" strange hows shes in and out of lucidity

Becky: yipes! murphys [condo i still own near Colunbus] garage door broke. another $280 out of my pocket.

Chris: Should be deductable ? If the tenents broke can u subtract from their deposit?

Becky: no, probably wear and tear. repair guy says theyre both springs quite old

Chris: Thats the lot of home ownership its looking more and more like a bad idea to me spec since repairs are so $$$

Chris: Mom was good again today. meeting was not necessaryreally. then june and garnet came to visit also chuck susan and chaz and rick was supposed to be comming. jen
lost tonight she played well though ill talkwith you tomorrow sometime love you!

Becky: luvu2
youve had quite a week. its like youre commuting to Cambridge. poor booty. take care and rest it and the esofagus. any kid u could hire to mow?

Becky: good here. you wouldnt believe the stuff im seeing! so different here !

BUT that's another post!


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News from West Hollywood and Cambridge OH

Talk about culture shock. What a difference from Guernsey County to West Hollywood. Already people watching is a trip. At the art museum where we met my friend Dean for dinner I saw a woman wearing a huge hat with a huge feather like the musketeers wore. Not a costume - the rest of her garb was regular clothes. Also people dressed up like characters from Tim Burton movies because he was appearing at the museum tonight.

We had dinner on the patio cafe at the museum. Gorgeous. La Brea tar pits are literally where they found mastodons. Still bubbly tar. Still excavating right on the grounds of the museum.
Pics of part of LACMA - Los Angeles County Museum of Art





Anyway Ben and I had a nice trip over and no problems in LA. Found the hotel and settled in.






From Ohio Chris says, "Becky i got mom to eata whole yougart dad fed her a banana she went
out in her wheelchair with me then needed pain med and sleep i passed dad when leaving sent him on home no need...Got mom the memory foam mattress topper at walmart today still didnt see a hospice nurse i will call after i get home to get phone number"

So Mother is weakening and overall not as engaged as she was.

Gotta get a good nights sleep! Big day on the new job. Dean says everyone is nice and it's a first class operation, very professional and technologically savvy. Incompetence is not tolerated but so far no one yells at you. Something we had a huge problem with at our last job in Tucson. Dean was my office mate for over a year. Really a good guy. I'm looking forward to working with him again. Sounds like they have a good diverse crew. With me it will make 5 men and 2 women dedicated to report writing at Cedars Sinai. My focus will probably be Labor and Delivery because I did a lot of that at TMC and Physician Orders. I like working with baby data! You wouldn't believe how messed up the mom-baby data can get and the complications involved with what babies get counted as hospital births depending on where they were born: at home - no, en route by personal car - no, en route by ambulance-yes, or at the hospital - yes. That's just one example of how odd it can get. Fun times to come.

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Today's news about Mom

From Chris at 10:30 am: "Mom was up for a shower enjoyed some strawberries n kiwis visited w dad very left side weak but still sharp and knows us sleeping now peacefully. luv u n ben"

At 5:40 pm from Chris: "Mom confused tonight and very left side weak sad to see"

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It Is Well

All is well with me and Ben in Tucson and Mom is fine as well.

She had Dad, Charlie, Susan, Sadie and Kyle worried 48 hours or so ago but yesterday was again better, stronger and more lively.

Chris went down again to spend the weekend because Dad is frazzled and needed the help.

We noticed her neuro symptoms coming and going so I talked with The James and they agreed that it's probably related to swelling vs tumor so a low dose of steroids would probably help her quality of life for a while. They were going to coordinate getting that going with hospice.

Meanwhile Bennie and I are unpacking, doing laundry, shopping, repacking, cleaning house and enjoying long walks before heading back out to LA tomorrow. And resting, although it has been hard to wind down.

Below is a glimpse of the state my house is in. The fireplace hearth and kitchen and entry tile are new, having been in progress when I left. The rest is a slow work in progress.

I'd been going to put down laminate floor where you see the old brown tile but am reconsidering because my arthritic feet are bothering me quite a bit. It may need to be carpeting.

New entry and kitchen tile:








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Remember to get your flu shot!

Remember to get your flu shot.

Update on Mom from Guest Writer Chris

Excerpted from Chris in a letter to brother David:

"Hey baby brother, I have been forced to my computer to keep you all updated re Mom.  I'm actually having fun exploring my little HP Mini while Mother is napping.  She was better today then yesterday Dad said.  She was up in a chair when I arrived.  She enjoyed a couple of pieces of Dove Dark chocolate I brought for her and I helped her eat some fresh pineapple I brought from home.  I told her I asked for a lunch tray with her and I was excited we were having spinach lasagna.  I made the comment that surely they couldn't screw up lasagna & she quiped, just wait & see, or something to that effect & we laughed.  I was able to give her a manicure and a hand massage which she enjoyed and after lunch she was able to use a walker and get to the potty with just one assist. Yesterday I guess she was not able to ambulate without at least 2 assists.  She got a pain pill after lunch and is resting now. 

I asked the nurse about neurological testing at Beck's request and she said she is evaluated daily, and that they work as a team with her hospice nurse to be sure she is getting on-going care.  The nurse at the desk said having her in Hospice is a good thing, that's what she would have done for her Mom, they get more individualized care that way.  She also asked my about Chemo & radiation and she agreed that Mother would only have suffered from the side affects and probably not benefited at all from that therapy.  She agreed that it would have also increased her risk for infection as I suspected and may have led to more trouble/pain and an earlier demise. 

I hope your family is well, keep plugging along everyone. 

Remember to cherish the happy times you've shared.  My friend lost her brother aged 51 this week, very unexpected heart attack, another reminder to me to look for the good in life and try to remember that each day could be the last one for any one of us. 

Love and Kisses, Aunt Chrissy"

Chris also reported to me that Mother's lower leg and foot were soaking wet and Mom didn't remember at first how that happened, then remembered spilling some water.  It's a concern I suspected last week when I massaged her feet, that she can't feel her feet.  Before, she complained when I massaged them that it hurt her arthritis.  This last time, they felt very rigid and she did not complain of pain with massage, a bad sign, I thought. That's why I asked what sorts of neurological exams they're doing, and how frequently.

She also had trouble getting her head to tell her hand to let go of Evinrude after her walk.  So although her strength seems good so far, her brain signals to her body seem to be erratic.

Bless you all for the continued prayers and cards to Mom.  It's really amazing what a large circle of friends have reached out to her and visited.

Cousin Jane Patty-Kill and Aunt Doris Swain are coming to visit this weekend from the Kansas City area, and nephew Chaz Miller and his wife Jami are coming from Houston, too.

Photo taken in early July on my other visit home, at Easton in Columbus, OH:

Password tips I shared with a neighbor today, FYI

I use RoboForm, a software you download and install.  It puts a toolbar on your browser and auto-fills any passwords you ask it to keep.  There are various settings about what passwords to keep and whether to auto-fill or fill when you ask it to by clicking on the right button.  You can keep your credit card info and ask it to fill that, too.  Its information is held locally (on your PC), and encrypted -and password protected, so you want to use a very strong password for that one.  It was recommended by an IT security guy at work, and it's well rated so I figure it's safe.  I've used it for years with no problems.

 

If you travel much or use lots of different computers, it's worth buying the version that stores your passwords on their website instead of locally so you can access them from any computer, not just yours.

 

Some ideas about using good passwords that are easy to remember:

 

Replace letters with numbers (like 1 for I and 3 for E, ^ for A, $ for S) or use the Shift version of those numbers, but think I and E as you're typing so you can think a word, but type something more complex and harder for hackers to guess.

 

So the word "Ivanhoe" would be "1vanho3" or "!vanho#" depending on which substitution you use.

 

Another tip is to use the first letter of a phrase, like a favorite song or poem, so "He's still running against the wind" becomes "Hsratw" or "H$r^tw" - which would be very hard for a person to ever guess.

A Word from Benji

Hi, all.  I have to tell you, I'm a little worried about my Mom.  For a long time now, she has been taking us from house to house, living sometimes with Aunt Chris, sometimes with our friend Katrina, and sometimes with Grandma and Grandpa. Whenever we get in the car, I never know where I'm going to end up.  I know it's a big move, though, when we bring our suitcases and my food and toys. We used to visit sometimes, but now we always visit.  We don't go home any more.

We don't seem to have our own normal place any more.  I think maybe we are homeless now.

She has also been unusually sad.  I know that Grandma is sick because we visit her at the nice place with lots of sick Grandmas there.  And when Grandma was home, she slept a lot and I had to be quiet a lot.  I think that is why my Mom is so sad now.  

But Grandma is cool.  She calls me her Grand-pup and feeds me table scraps.  No one else does it, but Grandma seems to do a lot of things that are against the rules.

And Grandpa learned to like me.  Sometimes he would play with me in the evenings, tug my toy and throw it around the room for me to fetch. He took me outside a few times but we didn't get along well.  He didn't know how to use my spring-loaded leash and he just tugged on me like I'm a dumb dog or something.

At Aunt Chris's, we had lots of fun.  I love my cousin Sammy and we wrestle and play-bite and play-fight all over the place.  I steal his bed and we pretend-fight about it.  And our walk is to the graveyard down the road and sometimes I get to run off leash behind there when the ground is not too wet.  I love Aunt Chris.  She's the next best thing to Mommy, but she has been sad and a little irritable lately, too.  Everyone seems to be worrying a lot.

At Katrina’s, I get great walks around the condos and the pond, and I get to play “tug” with her, too.  She even hand fed me once when I was a little unsure about eating there.  I’m a pretty lucky dog.  People like me.

And now, we're flying again.  I love the adventures!  But just like with the car, I never know where I'm going to get out of the plane.  Will I be in that wonderful green place with the big Redwoods and squirrels where we used to go to the river paths and the dog park? [Sacramento]  Or will we be in one of those dry desert places?  I love the one that lets me run around the airport.  That's the coolest place of all for dogs.  [Phoenix]  Or, are we going to run outside for just a little bit in the coolest freshest air you ever felt, and then have to get right back on the plane again?  [San Diego]

I'm feeling a little down, to tell you the truth.  I was OK until this plane ride, and I'll get right again when we get out.  I remember home, and sometimes I think we should go back there.

I hope Grandma gets better soon.

If you see my Mom, maybe you can tell her that we should get a real home again someday.

Photo of The Lovebirds Two Weeks Ago

Taken by cousin Lori the last week Mom was home.


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"I feel so blessed"

Mother is not as well today.  She had an incident when her legs failed her, but Dad was there to catch her until they could get help.

Pastor Wentworth, from their church in Old Washington, came to visit her this evening and prayed with us.  Afterwards, when I'd made the room and her ready for sleep, I cried and cried, and held her hand and told her how I hate to leave and how much I'm going to miss her.  She said she loved me and will miss me too, and, "I feel so blessed to have so many friends and family who have sent me scripture to read."

Dad was having an emotional night, too.  It's not the concern for her, sometimes, it's the harshness of separation that stings and brings the tears.  We know, as she has told us many times, "If I die today, I'll be with Jesus tomorrow in heaven."

Coincidentally, this piece was in the newsletter issued by the condo association where my Ohio property is:

“FOR FRIENDS OF THE AGED”
Blessed are they who understand my faltering step and palsied hand.
Blessed are they who know my ears today must strain to catch the things they say.
Blessed are they who looked away when coffee spilled at table today.
Blessed are they with a cheery smile who stop to chat for a little while.
Blessed are they who never say “you’ve told that story twice today”.
Blessed are they who know the ways to bring back memories of yesterdays.
Blessed are they who make it known that I’m loved, respected and not alone.
Blessed are they who know I’m at a loss to find the strength to carry the Cross.
Blessed are those who ease the days on my journey Home in loving ways.

Little Bits of Carol-ness

Mom and Benji and I spent a nice evening together.  I brought in clean socks, washed her feet and lotioned and massaged them, changed the socks.  She ate a very good dinner, then went to the bathroom with the help of me, an Aid and Evinrude, only.  Then took a short walk down the hall and back with just me and Evinrude, then brushed her teeth, read GuidePosts, looked at the photos of the hotel I'll be staying at in LA, and has now nodded off.

Amazing!  I could never have imagined this, seeing her 2-3 days ago!  The hospice nurse told Dad it will be a series of good days and bad days for a while now.

Mom said tonight, "I notice I'm drooling like a little kid, now.  I keep having to wipe my chin.  How many more indignities am I going to have to put up with, anyway?"  I hate to think about it.

We also saw her first true sign of memory loss, not remembering things that happened last week.


I thought you may like to see some sights from around the homestead, so snapped a few that, to me, are especially "Carol".

Dad is resting.  I spent most of the day resting, soaking in the tub, doing yoga, and starting to pack away all the summer clothes I brought with me.  With Mom gone, Dad's not keeping the house quite as miserably hot as he was, so I don't need my shorts any more, finally.  Also reading a really good book, "What Love Sees".  The distraction helps.

Mom is up and eating again today

And spoiling her Grand-pup with scraps.


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