Ever have someone you love dieing around Halloween? It's downright awful. Our entire office space is filled with skulls, bloody body parts, and tombstones. I'm finding it very oppressive, but I've not said a word, just turned a few skulls around so I won't have to look at them while working at my desk. It made me wonder what it must be like for people who don't celebrate Christmas to put up with all the Christmas stuff around, or maybe I should say "X-mas" since it's mostly snow men, packages, candy canes, and Christmas trees.
Today I had my moments, both good and bad. Watched the costume contest at work for a few minutes. Walked Benji to the cafe for dinner, then to the area they'd shut down for the big parade in West Hollywood - one of the biggest in the world just a block from my hotel. I came home from work at 4, having worked through lunch, so I could get the car parked and out of the traffic before it all started. The crowd was pretty mellow, but energetic, and the costumes weren't as outrageous as I thought they might be. Lots of zombies, pirates, wenches, sailors (and other Village People), and women dressed like sluts so they could show off their bodies.
Benji and I put up with a really loud gang next to our hotel room for several hours, and as they left at about 10 PM - loudly - I put out my head to ask them to be quiet when they return since I have to work tomorrow. To my surprise, the beautiful young man standing there was almost naked! A cape, G-string like thing, and shoes were all he had on. He was very polite, and I even managed to keep my eyes on his face!
I worked really hard at home and back at the hotel on paperwork and bills - which I don't seem capable of paying correctly and on time any more. Chris and I have decided we're suffering from mental retardation from emotional strain - she's having the same symptom.
Hospice called today asking how I'm doing and I couldn't say I'm doing well, but I couldn't think what they could do to help me. I asked if they had any ideas about how I could get one of my meds the insurance company denied, but they didn't have any ideas I've not already tried. The insurance company won't even give me a price without insurance - for if I wanted to pay out of pocket for it. They say it's not available that way. Since when do insurance companies get to decide that, if I have a prescription for it? In the meantime I'm suffering without it and waiting on my doctor's appeal letter.
Anyway, Chris told me this morning to "put on that Miller smile" and go show them my stuff. That helped me. We Millers have good smiles and a lot to smile about.
It's just so heartbreaking that Mom has had to go through this. She has been so active and vital and intelligent for so long. I found some notes of hers this evening while sorting stuff and I'll transcribe them someday and it just breaks your heart to see how her brain took such a hit. These were from the manic period after surgery. There were so many scribbles I'm still making my way through them. She talks about her nice birthday party and all the people who were there.
Bless her. That's all we can do now, is bless her with our love.
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