From sister Chris,
"Beck I just went over a jillion e-mails can't remember if I told you that I bawled like a baby when Dad shared this with me. He said he was kissin on Mom and they had been talking and she said she was ready for heaven. Dad said he told her just to keep lookin back over her shoulder and he would be there with her soon. He went home and baked oatmeal cookies for her and took them directly back in as soon as they were cool, he had forgotten he promised to make them the day before. The tears are starting fresh as I type this to you, I don't know if I can bear the pain of losing these wonderful people from my life. I know we have been spoiled, look at Jen's father---UUGGGHH what a terrible disapointment for her. I hope that I have made up for my poor choice somehow by trying to be a great Mom. Somehow she must have enough Miller/Swain in her to sustain her and lead her to a happy life. Take care in the land of fruits and nuts, my experiences from years ago make me afraid for you.
Love and Kisses,
Sis"
And about the land of fruits and nuts, it's not too bad. I don't feel unsafe here. I feel invisible here, actually, and that's a good thing. No one notices a too-heavy old lady out here, much. And Ben watches out for me and alarms me if anything is amiss. I sleep very soundly, but he definitely alerts me if there's unusual noise, and he gets better and better at sorting out what is unusual and what is normal at the hotel. And the staff at the hotel are now used to seeing us and are very kind.
Well...back to work.
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From: Cristen Miller [mailto:cmiller@pristx.com]
ReplyDeleteSent: Thursday, November 03, 2011 8:50 AM
To: David Miller
Subject: RE: [A Daily Bliss] Oatmeal Cookies and Kisses and The Road to Heaven
I often wonder, what have I done to deserve this life - this life that is so hard, these kids that are so taxing... Then I read this and wonder, what have I done to deserve this life, this life that gives me such a wonderful family. A family that loves and supports each other through everything they go through, good and bad. A family that loves each other above all else. I think that Momma Miller has shown me the answer: that the hard times produce the love. That you should never stop loving. That there is always a silver lining. I know that when the time comes, she will look down on us and be proud of the way she has taught her family to love and live without restraint. I am truly blessed to know such a wonderful woman, wife, and mother.
Cristen Miller
What a woman. I’m so blessed to have her with me always.
ReplyDeleteDavid Miller
Cristen,
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for all of the pain you've been going through, but bless you, bless you, for going through it.
When my times have been hardest with my step-kids (and remember I had twelve years of going through ages 15 - 27 with them) I often came up empty, didn't know what to do or say to them to make a difference. Always, though, I remember telling Dick, "Show that you love them. That can never be the wrong move. Even when you don't know what else to do to them, for them, or with them, showing love can not be the wrong move." When Lisa went through her anorexia, very scary, I was at a loss, but showered her with love, sent cards and letters and gifts to college often. It often felt like a complete waste of time, but I like to think it made a difference. She came out of it and became a good adult.
Yes, Momma Miller taught me that, I suppose, and I didn't even credit her at the time. It was an ethic that went bone deep, deeper than thought and credit. And it is an ethic that has done well for me.
It has often meant I squandered love on ingrates or the undeserving, but since when is that a wrong move? It breaks my heart sometimes, but I've toughened in the process, and they no-doubt gained something, even if I never saw it because they went their own ways regardless. That's something to look back on from your deathbed that has value, as Momma Miller is showing us now.
Love you all,
Rebecca