Had a Little Cry Yesterday

When I cleaned the pantry yesterday I found a jar of blackberries dated 2008 that Mom brought out to me in May 2011 when she and Dad drove out. I had known it was there, but it still broke my heart and I still couldn't throw it out.

And, for the first time in my life I bought a store-bought quilt yesterday, this one to go in my red room.

http://www.countrydoor.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=65249&categoryId=993&pCategoryId=6653&gpCategoryId=2105&productVariantId=205557&prefixCode=NI

When I saw it in the catalog, my automatic first thought was to show it to Mom and talk about making a similar one.

I had just realized that the quilt Mother made that I have been using is wearing out and I don't want it to. I remembered how on my last trip home before she was sick, over July 4th 2011 (I had flown from Sacramento, suddenly feeling so homesick I couldn't stand it), she and I had talked about making a replacement for it similar to one I spotted in one of her quilting magazines.

I have been so spoiled, haven't I?

One of my dreams after I got back from Christmas this year was a sobbing one, where I had become completely overwhelmed and awed, talking to and clinging to Dad, by all of the wonderful things Mom had made for me over the years, all of the gifts, doll clothes, doll beds and blankets, pajamas, sweaters, school clothes, scarves, hats, mittens, and yes, many whole quilts for me, Drew and all of the Jolleys, and in my dream I just couldn't get my head around the hugeness of it, and was just bawling, bowled over by how big it was, how much it meant, and how I could never live up to that much love if I dedicated the rest of my life to it. That's the miracle of a mother's love. I have been blanketed with it.